Forgiveness - A Mother's Battle

You know that battle we all fight, are we good enough, are we being the best mom we can be?  It doesn't matter if your a single mom, stay at home mom, working mom, hell you could be a step ford wife living the dream and STILL battle if we are doing enough, if WE are enough.

We battle our inner demons daily, compare ourselves to the other "perfect" mom's we see posting and flaunting their accomplishments but can I let you in on a secret.  We all feel the same!  You see I have few skills but those that I do have I try very hard to perfect.  I love to bake and craft, so I share these thing but no matter how "good" I may seem  in the few things I do well at I fail in so many other things.  I fail daily wondering if being a stay at home mom is enough, I'm tired and I don't want to clean (is that ok?  Will my husband be upset that I've done nothing today?), my oldest reminds me that I forgot to sign something making him lose a block at school.  

Ya'll this mom thing ain't no joke!

My girlfriend and I vent all of the time about are we good enough.  We tease about switching lives for a few days so I can be a working mom and she can stay home.  What it all boils down to is we all struggle with the same things.  So here is my point, a dear friend from school back in the old days had a beautiful poetic child who likes to take her scrap leather and make bracelets to inspire.  Recently I bought some for the boys and one for myself, to remind myself that not only am I enough but that I need to forgive myself when I don't feel enough.

Forgive yourselves mama's because tomorrow, is another day and it can be worse than the day before.  Not what you wanted to hear but it's the truth.  Forgive yourself today and start over tomorrow because at the end of the day you don't have to be perfect to be the perfect parent to your kids.

Dear Picky Eater Child

I love you in so many ways, although lets be real here.  I don't always like you.

You are my 3rd child and from early on you were a picky eater.  You use to love chicken nuggets from Chickfila and occasionally you would eat grilled cheese, mashed potatoes, and really most things I made for dinner.  You turned 2 and that all changed... You decided that you didn't like most things but thankfully still retained your love of fruit and yogurt.

You are now almost 5 and the food issues have only grown. I made you special mini pancakes that look like the mini muffins you love but what did you do?  You took one look and realized they didn't look like your mini pancakes so you refused to even try them...  30 seconds later you asked me for real mini pancakes. 

No, NO, NO!!!

You gag when trying anything new, pitch a fit and cry if I ask you to take was small bite of anything beyond your special list of foods.  While I am so glad that you aren't that kid that only eats French fries and ketchup, I am tired.

From your mama who loves to cook, you exhaust me. 

I do still love you, but sometimes, I really don't like you. 

Once I have reached my breaking point you kindly  say in the sweetest voice possible, "mommy?"

"Yes child of mine, whom I am not sure where you came from?"

"Mommy I love you, a thousand times"

(Deep breath) "I love you too monkey, forever and ever"

Moving is hardest on the Stay At Home Mom

Let me tell you something about being a mom and MOVING!  You think it's going to be hard because the packing and unpacking or let's be selfless and worry about how the kids will transition school and miss their friends.  I'm here to tell you that all of that sucks.  It's not easy but we get through it and suddenly your kids have 15 friends coming in and out of your house after a week of being in your new location but what about us?  You know us mom's???

Well we leave our friends.  Our support group when child blah blah is being a brat or testing our patience.  Our support group who vent with us about how horrible our husbands are even when they aren't really that horrible but we sympathise together anyways. 

Yea, you leave that and try as you might, they will move on.  It's not anyone's fault but we get busy, we have kids!!!  Our schedules get busy because theirs do but what about that support group that's suddenly gone?  Girl, it's going to suck.  You maybe a lucky one and some of your support group you can call and keep in touch with for a time.  You also maybe lucky enough to move closer to an old friend but for those of us that move away from all of that and to a place unknown you can bet it's going to be hard.

We don't go to school and meet friends instantly.  We spend 15 minutes maybe volunteering at school talking to another adult for a small percentage of that time and that's not enough time to make friends.  You say hello to the moms you see on a weekly basis at whatever activity or sport your child is involved in but you go home and miss girls night out.

This is a time in our lives where making friends with fellow mom's is just plain hard to impossible.  You have to focus on your kids and even if you connect with someone they may have their own support group and making new mom friends just isn't on their list.  So we suck it up, focus on our kids and try and wash our hair more than once a week.

Mama said their would be days like this but you just cannot quite understand until you are walking in those shoes.  Eventually you will find friends.  You will connect somewhere or with someone.  You will find your place, or you maybe mom and wife and pray that changes down the road.  Either way, there is a group out there rallying you on.  I'm here reminding you that even though it sucks, there is light at the end of the tunnel, this too shall pass and what not.

I'm not at that place so I'll sit in misery with you holding the bottle of wine pouring you another glass.

Korean Skin Care - Where do you begin? - Part 2

Ok ladies, tell me, how many steps do you have in your normal skin care routine?  1, 2, none??  I was a zero girl.  If I washed my face it was in the shower with my husbands face wash.  He was much more concerned about his skin than I ever have been but he also deals with moderate acne from time to time.  I hardly ever dealt with acne and if I did it was hormonal and didn't last long.  I know, I know...  all of the girls dealing with skin issues are ready to kill me now.

When I started to look into skin care I was ready to blow $300 on Rodan and Fields just to get results like the pictures, fast.  However, I don't like spending crazy amounts of money on something that seems to good to be true.  So I researched and studied up on what makes our skin do what it does.  Come to find out we as Americans like quick results with little work, I know right, ASTOUNDING!  However, like in life, little work tends to result in few results.  Koreans however are taught from a young age that your skin is something you should treasure.  Like French women they teach their daughters their skin is worth caring for and from a young age they pass on their treasured skincare routines.

Korean companies know this and they are at the fore front of skin care products.  Korean women are always looking for new products and ingredients that will keep their youthful look.  So lets just skip to the good stuff, what do they do??

The key is hydration and controlling sebum.  Sebum is what makes your face break out in acne, black heads, and white heads.  Sebaceous glands secrete oil so if you have overactive glands you will have oily skin and yes you can have oily skin and not hydrated skin!  So we need to find products that work with your skin to neutralize the sebum.

Double Cleansing
Oil Cleanser

To start I added and oil cleanser to take off any oil based make up and sunscreen. I added sunscreen to my morning routine immediately because I worshiped the sun which unfortunately had caused sunspots and added wrinkles but your basic cleanser does not remove your sunscreen like an oil cleanser will plus it takes off any of your oil based makeup which most of us have if you wear makeup. Currently I am using Neutrogena Oil Cleanser because they have started to follow the trend and this is a great light oil cleanser that I can buy at CVS instead of ordering online like most of my other products.  This is also only used at night so its one less step in the morning.

Foam Cleanser

The first question I asked was why double cleanse?  Well, hopefully I answered why you need an oil cleanser but the foam cleanser is to take off any dirt and grime left over after your oil cleanser.  You may not think you need it but in order to continue to you will need a clean face.  Korean foam cleansers are gentle and honestly I love double cleansing.  It doesn't take much time and I feel great after.  I tend to use a couple of these depending on what I am feeling like at night.  I am a huge fan of the Elizavecca pore cleansing foam which looks like black tar because it has activated charcoal in it but I have also tried several of their other foaming cleansers and love them as well so I would suggest any of their products but Memebox carries a variety of other lighter foam cleansers with tons of reviews to help you select what's right for you.

Toner

When I think of toner I think of the astringent alcohol based toners that you cleaned your face with.  This is NOT the toner you are thinking of folks.  Korean toner is light and prepares your skin for what comes next.  It is also something you pat into your skin rather than swipe all over.  It does not contain alcohol and will not dry out your skin. My favorite is Benton BHA Skin Toner.  It has aloe and is really light and clean.  Once you put this on let it dry before moving on to anything else. 

First Essence

Alright this is where things get interesting.  First essences are huge in Korean skincare and ultimately are essential in any routine.  They work together with your toner to add hydration and continue to prepare your skin for any further steps.  Traditionally they are light and watery and contain tons of active ingredients but mainly fermented yeast.  Basically people started to notice how soft the skin of the hands of workers in Saki factories were and companies found the fermented yeast in Saki creates softer skin.  Amazing right!?  There are tons of different kinds of First Essences and multiple different ingredients to add to what is already a great product but choosing one will be up to you and what your skincare needs are.  I LOVE Missha First Essence but like I said there are several other companies that make them but stick to Sokoglam.com or Memebox.com to order them.  Ill get into the why's of this later

Essence and Serums

Here is where your routine can add up.  To treat your specific needs and wants there are serums and essences which are a little thicker than your toner and first essence.  They are also made of crazy ingredients which may sound crazy at first but remember Korean skincare is always looking for new and NATURAL ingredients to cater to Korean women's search for better skin.  I use several depending on how much time I have in the evening and they include snail mucus enzymes, bee venom, and goat placenta.  Scared yet?  Don't be, I assure you they do not smell, and are not as crazy or scary as they sound.  This is a step that you will need to find what's right for you and what your concerns or needs are.  You can skip this step entirely or add anywhere from 1 to 10, it's all up to you and there are no right or wrong answers here.

Face Masks

Oh ladies, this is my favorite part!  I could use a face mask every night and honestly I could probably add them in the morning if I had all of the time in the world.  Face masks are a fun way to add multiple different serums and essence in one step.  They are mostly cotton masks, though I have had a couple that were more a silicone type material, that are soaked in different types of serums that you where for 15 to 20 minutes.  They force all of that goodness into your skin and leave you feeling relaxed and wonderful!  No really they are heaven and there are a million different masks that again treat different needs and wants but in my opinion you can't really go wrong with any of them.  Once you take them off you rub in the rest and continue on!

Moisturizer/Sunscreen

This is the final step in your routine at night and are essential.  The moisturizer is just that and locks in all of the ingredients your just put on your skin.  I use an eye cream and a lotion from Philosophy in the morning and in the evening Guerisson 9 complex cream.  It smells like grapefruit, looks like butter, and feels amazing!  Sometimes I will also add a sleeping pack if my skin feels dry that day.  Sleeping packs are just another cream to put on at the end that add an extra moisture lock overnight.

In the morning after my moisturizer I put on sunscreen.  Biore Watery Essence Sunscreen is hands down my favorite because it is water based and very light.

Alright, from 1 to 10 how overwhelmed are you?

Don't be, start with your double cleanse and moisturizer and go from there.  I will tell you this stuff is addicting.  I love finding new products to add but when adding new products do so one at a time and give it a week or so before adding anything else so you know how each product is affecting your skin but in the end just have fun!  I promise you will notice a difference in your skin.


A few additions:

There are a few things I left out that I don't use all of the time.  Exfoliating is very useful but they aren't typically an every night thing for me.  These remove dead skin and are used after cleansing before toner.  There are a wide variety of these out there and I have found some feel better than others but really I love Skinfood black sugar mask as an inexpensive mask and Rodan and Fields exfoliating mask.  I am not really and advocate of Rodan and Fields but if you don't mind a splurge this is a great mask to use.

AHA and BHA toner is also in my skincare routine but I do not use these daily.  When I do use them its only in the evening and when I feel a breakout coming or already have an acne flair up.  They are used before your other toners.  When I do use them it's a miracle in a bottle and I don't say that lightly.  It clears up and acne or flair up within 24 hours and I am not exaggerating.  Like I said previously I don't breakout often which is mostly why I don't use this every night.  If you do break out often then you may want to add this to your daily routine.  AHA/BHA Toner by Cosrx is amazing!  They also have a blackhead power liquid that I have heard is amazing but haven't tried so I cannot say for sure but I haven't disliked any of Cosrx products so far.

Where should you buy your products?  The two main sites I order from are Sokoglam and Memebox.  Both offer great products without the crazy long shipping times and you are getting the real thing.  You can order on Amazon but be careful because you may not always get the genuine thing.  There are a few places that you can go that have started carrying Korean products like Ulta which carries Tony Moly products.  If you live in Chicago or New York there are boutique stores that are a whole store full of Korean skincare products!  I sadly do not live near one of these amazing stores and my husband is probably thankful for that.

You made it to the end!  If you made it this far CONGRATS!  No really, thank you.  If you have a question feel free to ask away in the comment section!  I am by no means an expert but after 6 months of research and trial by error I have learned a few things and would love to share!

Goodbye Summer Hello Only One Child

This probably goes without saying but I like to stay busy.  My version of busy is probably different than others.  I figure you may have guessed that from the fact that I kept having kids after baby #2.  So the fact that in a month I will have 3 in school 5 days a week and one year left with one last child not in school is terrifying. 

I am actually dreading school starting.  Yea yea I know, for all of you who just rolled your eyes I know, I know!  However this is the stage in life that I am equally anticipating and scared to death of.  What am I going to do with only one child at home!  Next year will be even worse because Ryan will be in preschool and I am ALONE!  I remember quite well how excited I was when Conner and Noah both were in preschool and for a short time I was alone until Evan was born a few months later.  I couldn't wait to go to the grocery store alone and catch up on my DVR'd shows with no interruption but that was over 5 years ago and boy has life changed since then.

You see my version of hard had changed.  When you are a mom of 2 that's all you know and you can't imagine how to juggle 4 because you've never experienced it.  I tell moms this all of the time when they say "I can't imagine how you do it!  I can barely handle 2!"  Girlfriend, I was there once too, your version of hard just changes.  So going from 4 to 1 is intensely scary for me.  There is too much free time and not enough to keep me busy.  Sure I can clean with only one child coming behind me to destroy what I just did.  Only one child to hear demands from, one to take to the store, one to feed lunch and snacks to, ONE!

All to soon one will be none and they will all grow up way to quickly and leave me.  I look forward to seeing them grow up into men and I don't want time to speed up.  I know that my days will be filled with more sports, more activities, more friends at the house, and more to do than I can ever imagine but for now, this point in life scares me.  I keep wondering what I will fill my days with because to be honest some days during the summer with 4 kids at home and friends from the neighborhood hanging out, I still find myself bored for lack of a better word.  I miss coaching, working at my moms store, and having another title than just mom but that time in my life has passed and while one day in the future it may come around again for now it's just me being mom to 4 wonderful boys who will be heading off to school shortly and maybe, just maybe I can find happiness in knowing Ryan and I will hold down the fort and get quality time, just the 2 of us.

For now I will enjoy the last few weeks of summer making memories with all 4 of them. 

Korean Skin Care Routine - What is it all about??? PART 1

Let's just get this out if the way, I've been gone, I have no other excuse except kids...

You know 4 boys, they take up all of my brain power and I've neglected this blog yet again buy I have a new found desire to talk.  Basically I tend to get a focus on something and then research the heck out of it.  When I was having babies I researched EVERYTHING!!!  Like everything!  So where did the topic of skin care come up you ask?

Well, I am now turning 33 at the end of the month.  I could care less about age, I am not scared of getting older, bring it on!  Except suddenly I look in the mirror and I see new lines and dryness that I never saw before.  So my first thought was my makeup needed a rejuvenation.  I tried everything for aging skin and got no where.  So I took a step back and looked at the bigger picture.  My make up wasn't the issue my skin was and sadly I had taken that for granted.  I had pretty good skin my entire life to which I thank genetics.  I rarely washed my face and left make up on very often.  I never really wore much make up except concealer to hide my dark circles but as I got older I wore more and more concealer that just got gross and made my wrinkles look that much worse.

So I invested in eye cream, face wash, and eye cream.  Then started the research!  Ladies and gentlemen months and months of research!  Come to find out, Americans are incredible hard on their skin and rely on surgical methods or both instead of taking care of it early on.  The French and Asians take a totally different approach.

Are you still with me??   I hope so because this is where it gets good.  We are doing it wrong!!!  We are raising generation after generation of women who want an easy solution but also want to bask in the sun.  Hey, I include myself in that!!  I wanted the sun kissed glow and still wanted youthful looking skin and then when I got older I was looking for a miracle cure to turn back the time but sadly folks, such as life, it doesn't work that way.

Looking for more info??  Are you truly interesting in helping turn back time??  Let's go to part 2!!

Korean Skin Care Part 2

Pinterest - The Devil or Best Invention EVER!?

Who isn't on Pinterest?  For that matter can you pronounce this wonderfully insane website??

It is addicting, there are meme's everywhere depicting how addicted we women are.  So how do you use it?  Are you pinning things just for fun?  Are you a craft enthusiast and make the things you pin?  Do you love food and pin all kinds of yummy things only to order pizza?  You could be a combinations of these or you use Pinterest for totally different reasons but in my case I am all of these things and more.

I started with a love of food.  I pinned so may Yummy Appetizers that I created a whole new board for it!  Then I moved onto Yummy Dinners because of course my family needs to eat dinner and what better way to find a good meal idea than Pinterest! 

And then I was hooked!

I was pinning everything from pictures, to dream vacation spots, desserts, clothes, funny things, you name it I will pin it if it's something I find awesome.  So a little while back I realized I was making my meal plans from Pinterest on a weekly basis so I created a board for my Weekly Menu Planning.  I have tried so many of these recipes that I pin the next step is to create a board that shares which recipes I have tried and enjoyed.

After awhile I realized I was gaining quite a lot of followers with is addicting let me tell you!  I am constantly pinning and editing my boards to make sure my Pinterest boards are interesting.  Why do I do all of this?  Well, there are millions upon millions of pins!  You could get sucked in for days!  However it has really helped me get organized with my weekly menu.  It has opened a world of food that I would have never found.  We are trying food from across the world which is so fun and interesting for the boys.

I have always been into crafts and DIY things for my house which as you probably know if you know anything about Pinterest those types of things are in abundance on Pinterest.

How do you use Pinterest?  Let me know in the comments and feel free to follow my pins!

If you are a blogger, small business owner, or just interesting in learning more about how to gain followers on Pinterest, send me an email and I would love to help!

 

The Reason We Drink

Have you ever had one of those days.  You know the one, where everything seems to be screaming "YOU'ARE FAILING!"??  Yea, you know the ones I am talking about.  The days when the baby has explosive diapers, he doesn't take a nap, and proceeds to cry all day long.  The days when you wake up and know its going to be a good day only to find a toilet overflowing, the light bulb is out in the kitchen, the dog pooped on the carpet and a certain 1 year old is playing in it....

I could go on but you get the point.  It's in those days that I just pray for 6 o'clock when my husband walks through the door and I can spend 5 blissful moments sipping a glass of wine while I peacefully cook dinner.  Did you get that, 5 minutes....

After those 5 minutes, the dog needs to go out, kids need mom for everything, and my husband has disappeared.  While there is nothing better than being a mom it is truly the most exhausting job you will ever have.  You cook, clean, make sure homework is done, change diapers, and worry every step of the way if you are screwing up.  No matter how together you are, we all have those days. 

This is why we drink.  Not because we are all raging alcoholics but because by the time evening rolls around we need just a small pick me up to get us to the next day. 

Wine, you beautiful thing you!

Do we actually "need" the wine?  No, but it's not really a need.  It's a want, it's one thing that is ours, not the kids!  Every time one of my boys asks me what I'm drinking, I always respond with "It's wine and is only for mommy" because lets face it, we share EVERYTHING with our children.  I cannot pee alone, or shower, dress, clean, cry, eat chocolate.  The list is endless. 

I love my kids, they are a blessing but mommy needs her wine.

 

Summer 2015 - In Pictures

Instead of writing a long post on what we did this summer I'll just keep it interesting and keep it easy.  So this summer told in pictures!

Mourning The Loss - Being the Queen

I love my boys.

The dirty, messy, no frills, not much drama, booger eating, mud slinging, sports playing boys.  I love all of that.  The title of my blog says it all, it allows me to be the one and only Queen of this house but there are days, days like today, that that statement makes me sad. 

I find myself getting sad that the house is always dirty with mud, pee, grass, or leaves that the boys have brought in, spilled, or couldn't aim.  Seriously how do they get pee all over the toilet!!! 

When it comes to my shop, I can't help but makes girlie things and it doesn't help since I have one niece and she probably doesn't want all of my hand made stuff.  Even if she did, it's hard not being able to see her in it right away, dress her all of the time, or just see the excitement on her face and it's also not the same since she isn't mine but beyond that, I want that connection between my husband and his daughter. 

I will never be the mother of the bride and plan a wedding with my daughter.  I will never be able to hold her hand while she gives birth or go shopping together and listen to her talk about guys.  I will never hold her while she cries over her first heart break.  I will never fight with her over her clothes or teach her to be proud of who she is and never let someone else define her.  I will never have her as my best friend later in life when she calls and thanks me for being the best mom I could because she now has children of her own and understands.

When it comes to sons, they will eventually leave.  They have to and I get that.  They will eventually replace me with a wife of their own and I will no longer be the top woman in their lives.  I'm ok with this, I certainly don't want my mother in law put ahead of me and I know that one day I will have daughter in laws that I maybe close to but it's not the same.  They will have their own mother's.  

So, on days like this, I feel sad and I mourn the loss of a child that I never had and won't have.  I try not to indulge this feeling because I have no regrets and I love all of my boys.  I am beyond blessed to have 4 healthy and crazy kids.  I not only feel sad but then that sadness turns into mommy guilt...  yes, you know who she is... 

However for a short time I let myself mourn her, that sweet little girl that was not meant to be.  Then I laugh at the boys as they roll down the hill laughing while I secretly dread trying to get out the grass stains. 

Planning Long Trips With 4 Kids

If you don't know this already, my husband is originally from Panama.  His grandfather, Aunt, and lots of cousins live there still so we try and get down there once every 2 years.  The first time we went Conner and Noah were 2 and 3.  The second time we added Evan who was a few months away from being 2.  This time we will be traveling as a family of 6!  What were we thinking?!?!

But seriously, it wasn't that hard since I planned way in advance for a multitude of things to keep the kids from going crazy.  This isn't a vacation where we go to a big city and do lots of things.  We fly into Panama City, spend the night in a hotel and then the following day drive 4 hours to Las Tablas which is a small town in the middle of no where.  Dariens grandfather has updated his house but there is little electricity, no AC (it's crazy humid and always around 88) and surrounded by cattle fields.  I don't mean it to sound boring because it's far from that but for kids it can be if we don't plan things.

We are going in June and will be gone for 10 days, I've already been planning and finding flights, rental cars( which is insane in itself), what to pack, etc.  This isn't my first rodeo but not only are we going to Panama but Conner asked to go camping for his birthday, and my wonderful parents scheduled a beach trip for July! 

Is it summer yet?

Everytime I feel overwhelmed, I sit down and work on planning everything. 

Next up, passports renewal for Conner and Noah plus a new passport for Ryan!

I won't be surprised if I end up with a ton of new gray hairs...

Perfect Imperfections

I always knew I wanted 4 kids.

My dream was always a boy first (bc I wanted an older brother to protect me) and then a girl and twin boys.  I had pictures of each child in my mind and dreamed about them frequently, the husband never had a face.

Creepy right?!?!  What child dreams of a man without a face??  It wasn't a scary no face man, just more like I couldn't picture him.  Anyways, my dream was typically about breakfast and getting ready for work/school.  Then one day I sat down and looked at my life and realized although I love it, it's far from dream like.

I am a mom, and have always wanted to be a mom but it doesn't quite fulfill me.  As soon as I think those words the evil mom rears it's ugly head and tells me what a horrible mom I am for even having that thought.  You know that voice, the one that tells you that you aren't good enough?

You know you do, we all have it whether you are a mom or not.  Some people can ignore that voice better than others but in some way it affects us all.  Sadly for parents we don't just have our own voice, we have the voices of numerous others who choose to put you down for some reason or other.  You choose to homeschool, you're crazy and hurting your children by sheltering them from other kids.  You choose to go to McDonald's, you are horrible for feeding your child junk.  You let your 9 year old walk 2 blocks to the local park, you risk jail time for neglect.  The list goes on and on and there are people on both sides shouting.

For goodness sake people, give it a rest!!

As I sit here typing this my 3 year old is watching cartoons.  I look around at all of the toys my almost one year old has literally thrown all over the living room but is now napping.  There is laundry to be done, bathrooms to clean because there are 4 boys peeing all over the place.  Seriously can't you aim those thing directly into the toilet and not around it??  You get the point, there is a never ending list of things to get done and I never seem to be enough.

Yes, I never seem to be enough.  I'm not, I am not Wonder Woman, although I like to think I am at times.  I drink wine at night when the kids are all finally in bed.  I watch cartoons with Evan just to sit and snuggle with him so I have an excuse to not do my list of chores. 

I am not perfect, who is??  My kids are not perfect and never will be, so why do we try to reach some strange sense of normal or perfection? 

I'm perfectly ok with my imperfections about 95% of the time.

Hopefully I can learn to be ok with them more the older I get. 

So to sum this all up, MOMS!!  You are not perfect, none of us are, so stop letting the negative comments get to you.  The saying "It takes a village" is so true, so call your mom and remind her how much she means to you or call the person that showed you how to be happy in the imperfections.  Make a point to teach your kids that they aren't perfect and never will be.  We do the best we can and pray God helps us handle the rest.

Have a great day!

Side note, it's ok if you are in sweatpants all week.  I know I will be :)

Stitch Fix - Round 2

I love you Stitch Fix.

You really make shopping so much easier and I get so excited to see what surprises you have for me in that box on my front porch.  This box had so many positives and I totally almost kept all of it but regretfully I had to send some things back.  

This first picture is a lovely black and grey shirt which I added a tank under.  You can't tell from the photo but it's pretty see through without the tank.  I did keep this and I really loved the slight angle at the bottom.

Ugh this dress...  I tried so hard to find a way to keep it but it was just not super flattering.  The scarf helped but I didn't want to keep it and always have to add the scarf.  The lines at the top made my large chest look even bigger and there wasn't much definition in my waist which made me look much heavier than I am.

I ended up keeping this shirt although I couldn't get a picture of it that looked good.  Everytime I raised my arm it hung differently which isn't a very accurate representation of how it actually fit.  

Maybe I need a selfies stick...

This last picture is of 2 items, the blazer and the bracelet.  I kept the bracelet and returned the blazer.  I liked the fit of the blazer but I just couldn't see myself wearing it that often to make it worth the purchase.  However I loved the bracelet and I almost told my stylist not to send me anymore jewelry after the last time.  Thankfully I didn't because the silver and gold go with everything!

I am looking forward to my next fix and hopefully keeping all 5 items and getting the extra 20% off!  

Until next time!

Boots Are My Favorite

I love Winter and Fall for a lot of reasons but the main reason is that I can wear boots.  Any kind of boot!

My husband thinks I have too many and I of course think I could buy one pair a day for months and still find more that I love.  However, money doesn't grow on trees and my shoe closet doesn't look anything like Mariah Carey's. 

A girl can dream though...

Anyways, I decided today I would pull my outfit together around my riding boots.  When I get dressed my main thought is "will Ryan tug, chew, or slobber on this and will I look ok after that?"  So I threw on blue skinny jeans, a grey shirt that is actually a Gap maternity shirt (shhhh), and then I got stuck...

I always get torn with a scarf or necklace.  This outfit needs something big and colorful but Ryan will definitely chew on it and possibly break it and statement pieces like that aren't cheap or they are cheap (like the majority of mine :)) and will break easily.  Scarves are easy and add color that a necklace may not bring and I'll be honest, I have more scarves than shoes.  It's a problem, I know.

Hello my name is Amanda and I am a scarf addict.

So, this time I decided on both!  I don't normally do this but since my necklace is long and the scarf is on the thinner side, it works.  A larger scarf would look great too but then I would need to forgo the necklace. 

I am currently critiquing my picture, looking at the mess behind me when it suddenly dawns on me that this is life.  My life is messy with 4 boys and I rarely get time to just focus on myself so why cover it up.  Ryan cried most of the time I was getting ready and Evan needed help going to the potty.  You may wonder why I even bother looking nice, I wonder the same thing most days, but ultimately I feel more positive about the day when I look nice.  I may end up putting sweat pants on in a few hours and we may not make it to the store because stuff happens but I am the only girl in a house full of male testosterone and pee on the toilet.  I need to do something for myself.

What are you wearing today?

Confession Time - Is Yelling Affective?

Do you know who your biggest critic is?

You

Not Susie Pinterest or Karen the organizer or even Judy the judgemental, it's you.

You compare yourself to everyone you think is doing a better job than you.  You put yourself down for not living up to some standard that we set for ourselves that are 99% of the time unrealistic.  I say this not because I am judging you, putting you down, or just pointing out the obvious but because we are all the same.  You may struggle with different aspects of life than I am but we all struggle.  I have 4 boys, you may have 2 but both are hard!

My boys have recently began pushing me to the boiling point.  Some of its my own stresses from moving, dealing with a very needy 3 year old and 8 month old but it's also them getting older and pushing boundaries.  Plus, who am I kidding, they are boys!  Young men and we all know men don't typically listen that well...

Sorry men...  but it's true.

I find myself repeating the same things over and over again until I lose it and yell.  I then spend 10 to 15 minutes beating myself up about yelling and promise myself to do a better job the next time until the next time comes and it's the same vicous cycle all over again.

At the same time I am typing this Ryan is screaming for the 4th time tonight.

So does yelling work?  It seems like it, at least it gets their attention but are the down sides out weighing the positive of them finally paying attention?  I'm not sure if it does but nothing else seems to be working.

As a mom I am tired.

The little ones need me all of the time but the older ones are growing so fast I feel like they are growing too far away from me.  Is this a common theme with families of more than three kids?  I surely cannot be alone in this but I feel like it.

I worry the most about Noah, my sweet sweet Noah who seems to be struggling the most with his younger siblings.  I want more time with him to nurture his sweet side but I can't seem to find enough time in the day when Ryan doesn't need me or Evan who has an insanely strong personality is being his very crazy self.

I don't have the answers, who does?  We do what we can to the best of our ability and give the rest to God.  It's all I can do as a very imperfect person.

Ultimately I love my boys and am 200% determined to show them and tell them as often as I can.

Stitch Fix - This is why I don't like clothes shopping

I look forward to these emails now.

That email from Stitch Fix let's me know that the box is on its way and I track the box every single day until it's on my steps and then I have the joy of opening it! 

What is Stitch Fix?  Well, it's heaven in a box for all of you who like clothes but don't have the time to deal with shopping.  You can sign up to receive your fix as often as every week or once every other month.  Once you sign up you are asked a lot of questions about your style which helps your personal stylist choose the best options for you.  You can also link your Pinterest board which is awesome since pinning is my hobby. Is that a legitimate hobby?  Maybe not but who cares, it is now!  So, back to the point, you will receive 5 items in each box and you can select what you want to see more of.  I don't wear that much jewelry but the stuff that I do wear tends to be staple pieces so I requested jewelry to come not that often.  You can choose your price range and if you want accesories then you just wait for your first fix!  You will be charged $20 when it ships but that will be credited to whatever you purchase and if you send it all back then it will go towards your next box.  Anything you send back is sent back in a prepaid shipping bag that you just drop off at the post office!  It's that easy folks!

So let's move on to the good stuff!

This week my 5 things included 2 shirts, one pair of black pants, a sweater/jacket, and a necklace.  I also got a very sweet note from my sylist commenting on how awesome my Pinterest page was and she loved my style.  She probably saw this to everyone but of course it was a little boost to my fragile mommy self.

Ok so here is my honest opinion...

Side note - try and ignore the mess and the toddler bed in the corner...  

The first picture is the shirt, necklace and. black pants.  I like the fit of the shirt except the neck is large and shows my bra strap which I am not a fan of.  The necklace is ok but feels like cheap plastic and for $40, not worth it to me.  The pants fit great and are a legging feel without the thinness of a legging.  They stretch a bit but hold up so I'm hoping they don't stretch out like jeans. 

 

The second photo is the sweater/jacket which I just added to the top of the previous outfit which may have changed the fit.  It's very soft and comfortable with a funky design but it seems to hit me in a strange way and it could very much be because of my boob size but I'm on the fence either way.

Now onto the last piece...  I love love love this color but I knew when I saw the style sheet that it wouldn't be flattering.  This type of blouse just makes me look pregnant and I totally blame the boobs this time.

They are always getting in my way and sabotaging very lovely outfits.  

All in all I am definitely keeping the pants but will sleep on the dark grey shirt and jacket.  For sure going back is that beautiful emerald shirt and necklace.  

Check out my Pinterest page for more style options and if you are interested in a Fix of your own to you can sign up for your own Stitch Fix!  

Moving is hard! And lonely...

What a lame subject...

We moved almost 2 months ago and the kids are doing fantastic.  We love living here and the holidays were insane but now we can settle in a little bit more and it's a little more intense...

...

(... = me trailing off into eye rolls and a big sigh)

.........

Ok so the boys have made friends, they love the new house, both seem to be adjusting to school, we love trying new things and getting outdoors.  There is so much to do and see plus everywhere you go you see mountains!  It's heaven!

And here it comes...

The but.

But it's lonely.  I miss my family and friends.  I miss my spouse who works way more now than he use to which I knew going into this that a promotion meant more time at work.

The absence of the holidays means reality of being here alone sets in.

I am not a shy person but I'm picky about my friends.  Friends are not something I rush into and I am not use to being mom 24/7 and nothing else.

That sounds harsh.

I love my kids but they are not my identity. 
I'm sure this phase will get easier but right now it's really hard and feeling distant from the hubs makes it worse.

If you have made it this far into my depressing post, thank you. :)

On a positive note!  Baby weight is falling off with all of these stairs!  There are stairs everywhere and carrying my 8 month old 22 lb chunk is a total work out.  Bad/good part is I need smaller pants but I purged them all before the move because I gave up fitting back into them. 

Enter Stich Fix! 

I started using them in November because I just don't have time to shop so they do it for me!  My next fix comes Monday and I can't wait to see what they send.

My New Year's goal is to not be a stranger to my lonely blog.  :)

I'll be back!

I'm sorry, I miss you - 30 Days Of Blogging

It's been too long...

To be fair, I have 4 kids...

They consume my whole life but this blog is about that and I am determined to update it regularly so back to the 30 days of blogging challenge!

#30daysofblogging

Because who doesn't like a good hastag??

OK seriously,  here are some updates if you haven't been keeping up with Facebook.

*Ryan will be 6 months old this Friday!
*He does NOT sleep through the night
*We are still dealing with reflux
*He is crawling!
*Evan turned 3
*Darien got a promotion and we are moving!
*Yes, we are moving!!
*I like food
*My niece turned 1! (I just love her :))
*We are putting down new floors in our house
*We officially have rented out our house and the new tenants move in November 15th
*I love wine
*We are moving to Asheville, NC
*We have yet to find a house there yet
*I need a bigger wine glass
*I really don't drink as much as I say I would like to
*Are you tired of the bullet points yet?
*I have packed approximately 4 boxes
*I am very very tired

Ok that's enough, caught up now?

We are very excited about the move but also kinda sad.  Most of my family lives in our current town and it will be sad to leave them but this is also a grand adventure for our family of 6 and who doesn't love the mountains!  I am so excited about camping and hiking!!  This makes me a great mom of boys.  The boys and I are not officially moving until school gets out for Christmas so in the time between when we have to be out of the house and the time the boys get out of school we will be taking over my moms house which I know she is just thrilled about. :) 

I am ready for December mostly because all of the changes are very stressful and I will be thrilled to be settled and our family back together.  This is Dariens last week of work at his current position which I am sure is bittersweet for him.  Next week starts more serious packing and I need to get my butt in gear.

For now I will take it one day at a time.  :) 

If you want to keep up with our journey, follow me on Facebook.  Four Boys One Queen

Make it Monday

I love to craft.

I have a craft supply hoarding problem.

5 Tupperware boxes full of assorted craft supplies in both of the boys rooms closets.  Also, Pinterest is the devil and now aids in my addiction.

The first step is admitting you have a problem, I have no clue what the next step is so I'll just decide to do something with these craft supplies.

Enter,  Make It Monday!

Every Monday, I will make something, even if it's a noodle necklace with yarn!  I can wear it around town and claim that one of the boys made it.  This is the benefit of having kids. 

So today, I am being adventurous.  Setting my expectations high!  (Never a good thing..)  This project will involve tools of the manly sort.  You know like an electric saw, screws, and maybe a hammer.  Is a hammer manly?  If it comes in pink does it qualify as more of a unisex tool?  (my head just directly into the gutter, but I digress)

If you follow me on Pinterest you may have already guessed that my first project is a pallet project.   Nothing too fancy, like an outdoor couch, which might be something I tackle down the road but for now I will stick with a sign or something. 

So now it's time to get off this here blog (I am from the south, your gonna get a lot of that here, you've been warned) and get the boys dressed to find pallets! 

Back To School

I am tired...

Ryan decided to time his 4 month growth spurt to follow along with the boys going back to school. 

Not cool little man, not cool.

So, I have been up every 2 hours starting at 2 am.  My alarm goes off at 6:20 am but typically I am already awake and just hoping the clock is wrong and it's really  Saturday so I can go back to sleep.  Alas, it's not Saturday and I must get up and start the day.  While I am thrilled that the older two are back in school and I have my hands a little more free than they were over the summer it also brings a whole other set of issues.  Once the bus stops and the boys get in the door we don't slow down until bed time.  Home work, followed by various sports, dinner, bath, and then finally bed.  I shouldn't be so whiney about this because it's really what I thrive on but by 3:15 my energy is gone and I am dragging so I pull out a coffee cup for a pick me up.

This new schedule is going to take some getting use to and hopefully Ryan decides to sleep again.

So there is a bigger picture here that I really want to address.  I find myself being more and more grateful for my parents the older my kids get.  I doubt you are asking why because really there are many things you are probably grateful for as adults that you were not as much as a child.  That aside, today I am thankful for the fact that my parents allowed me to participate in sports.  I never understood how much this cost them! 

We have had the boys in soccer,  baseball, and flag football and while they all cost money they weren't more than $65 for a fairly long season.  Noah, my second, doesn't care for team sports.  My husband, try as he might, couldn't convince him to play.  Finally last year he asked to do gymnastics, Darien wasn't too excited.

So after a long time of asking he got a 6 week session for his birthday from Grandma.  He started last week and loves it.  I am beyond thrilled!   He is also doing year round swim team which he is so excited about that he sleeps with his goggles.  Conner is taking tennis lessons and they both are doing a running club.

So how much does this all cost you ask?  Well you didn't ask but in order to understand why I am so very grateful I will tell you. 

In order to continue gymnastics after this session it's $130.  That is for 6 sessions for 45 min once a week.
Swim team is $118 for insurance which thankfully is a one time fee for the year.  It is $55 a month plus our family membership to the YMCA which is $75 a month.   Conner is taking group tennis lessons at the YMCA and we lucked out because he is the only one signed up so we pay $40 a month for that but get private lessons which is actually $70 a month!

The school use to offer a free running club but this year an organization stepped in and is offering a more detailed club and it's $85 per child for the whole program. 

The costs add up and they aren't even in school sports yet!  As a cheerleader coach I know how much a Varsity sport costs!  My parents spent close to $800 a season and that's not including the monthly gym fee.

Since I am no longer coaching or working doing all of this is financially harder but worth it.  My parents never once told me I couldn't do something because of the costs.  We have actually had to have that conversation with Conner about swim although I didn't really want to.  He went back and forth on whether or not he wanted to sign up and finally we just sat him down and said he was going to have to decide between tennis and swim because swim was expensive and he needed to be very sure about it.  In the end he chose tennis.

So thank you mom for letting me do all of the sports, dance, and gymnastics classes even if I wasn't grateful for it then.  I cannot imagine how you did it when all four of us were involved in sports!  I am slightly dreading that day...

All in all, we are happy to have such active kids and even if I have to cut back here and there I will do so gladly.  In the meantime I am hoping Evan or Ryan decide to be artists. 

A mom can dream!

Art lessons are free right?!?!