Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Goodbye Summer Hello Only One Child

This probably goes without saying but I like to stay busy.  My version of busy is probably different than others.  I figure you may have guessed that from the fact that I kept having kids after baby #2.  So the fact that in a month I will have 3 in school 5 days a week and one year left with one last child not in school is terrifying. 

I am actually dreading school starting.  Yea yea I know, for all of you who just rolled your eyes I know, I know!  However this is the stage in life that I am equally anticipating and scared to death of.  What am I going to do with only one child at home!  Next year will be even worse because Ryan will be in preschool and I am ALONE!  I remember quite well how excited I was when Conner and Noah both were in preschool and for a short time I was alone until Evan was born a few months later.  I couldn't wait to go to the grocery store alone and catch up on my DVR'd shows with no interruption but that was over 5 years ago and boy has life changed since then.

You see my version of hard had changed.  When you are a mom of 2 that's all you know and you can't imagine how to juggle 4 because you've never experienced it.  I tell moms this all of the time when they say "I can't imagine how you do it!  I can barely handle 2!"  Girlfriend, I was there once too, your version of hard just changes.  So going from 4 to 1 is intensely scary for me.  There is too much free time and not enough to keep me busy.  Sure I can clean with only one child coming behind me to destroy what I just did.  Only one child to hear demands from, one to take to the store, one to feed lunch and snacks to, ONE!

All to soon one will be none and they will all grow up way to quickly and leave me.  I look forward to seeing them grow up into men and I don't want time to speed up.  I know that my days will be filled with more sports, more activities, more friends at the house, and more to do than I can ever imagine but for now, this point in life scares me.  I keep wondering what I will fill my days with because to be honest some days during the summer with 4 kids at home and friends from the neighborhood hanging out, I still find myself bored for lack of a better word.  I miss coaching, working at my moms store, and having another title than just mom but that time in my life has passed and while one day in the future it may come around again for now it's just me being mom to 4 wonderful boys who will be heading off to school shortly and maybe, just maybe I can find happiness in knowing Ryan and I will hold down the fort and get quality time, just the 2 of us.

For now I will enjoy the last few weeks of summer making memories with all 4 of them.