Thursday, May 15, 2014

A Toddlers Guide To Driving Your Mommy Insane

Hi, I am Evan!  I am 2 and a half!!!

I have taken over mommys blog for now to set things straight.  I have been poorly misrepresented lately and just so mommy doesn't feel left out I want to share some things with all of her friends toddlers so she isn't alone.  I mean who else is she going to talk to?  me?  Her internet friends seem to be her only friends besides me and the new kid who is taking over...  that is another story though so I will stick with these tips on how to drive mommy insane.

As a toddler I reserve the right to do what I want, when I want.

Yes, I do!

YES!!!!!!

Now that I have made myself clear let's talk about the ways that you can gain these valuable skills because there is nothing better than watching your mom pull out her hair with poop on her face.

(Shhhh don't tell her it's there!)

First, thing you need to do is delay potty training as long as you can.  Rookies will tell you do just refuse potty training and keep the diaper but that's just easier on mom.  The diaper keeps all the fun contained!  So whip that thing off and paint the walls and your toys with poop!  Don't worry mommy will clean it all up and your toys will be back soon and will be good as new.  Mommy will try and follow the "3 day potty training" system that her internet friends told her about and the best thing is to just go with it.  Once you finish with the 3 days and you have given your mommy excitement and hope you can than start to go back and forth between accidents and the potty which makes mommy go crazy!  For you girls who don't like to get dirty then try and use all of the toilet paper to clean yourself and then flush it down the potty.  It makes for even more fun!  The potty will break and water will go everywhere so you can have a water play date all to yourself!


This is what I did today!

I told you this would be fun!

Second, the world is your oyster!  This isn't your parents house or apartment but YOURS!  Mommy's and daddy's like to hide all of the good stuff so search around in all of the cabinets or closets and just have fun.  It maybe stuff you have never seen before and who knows it may break into lots of fun pieces.  If you can do this like a ninja and not get caught the look on your moms face will be priceless.  Mommys makeup is like awesome paint so totally not just for girls.
Eye liner is really fun to play with.

Third, you are the boss, not the dog or cat.  Make sure they know that by stealing their food and treats.  They taste pretty good anyways and mommy won't let them hurt you so just laugh while they stare at you.

Fourth, if your mommy has had a new baby all of the things we have talked about already are way more fun.  She is busy, distracted and hasn't slept much between you and the new baby which is just funny thinking about mommy trying to do it all without you making things more fun.

Fifth, sleep is for daddy's!  We aren't babies anymore, we are toddlers!  So wake up in the middle of the night and climb into bed with mommy or better yet just sit there and cry until she comes in to talk to you.  When she comes in let her think you will be going back to sleep and then in 10 minutes start screaming again.  This is also fun during nap times.

These are just a few of the ways you can drive mommy crazy.  I like to find new ways everyday and swtich things up to keep mommy on her toes.

In my younger days I would make a cereal bed to lie in and have food everywhere I laid bed because this is my bed not mommys.


I hope that you all have lots of fun in your adventures!

Oh and all of mommys friends, sadly I won't be a toddler for much longer and then we an have all new adventures and don't worry I will pass this down to anymore kids you want to add to our family.