I am tired. There is just no way around it. I signed up for this, I know, but I never imagined how exhausted I could possible be. Three boys plus being 34 weeks pregnant is beyond exhausting and not just physically but emotionally. I realize that I am hormonal but then you add a 2 and a half year old that is stubborn to the core, a 5 year old that seems to think he needs to figure out who he is at his tender young age, and a 7 year old that thinks he rules the roost I feel like just hididng in the closet most days.
Mommy needs a nap....
Today Evan, the 2 year old terror, didn't get a nap. This is not so bad for most kids. Conner and Noah could go without a nap every so often and would just be tired early. Evan is a true grump. By 2:30 you can tell that the rest of your night will be hell. I am in no way exaggerating. He is a nightmare but we had lunch with grandma then a visit to the toy store put us back home late and ultimately no time for a nap... The biggest and seriously most selfish part of this is that I won't get a nap. I am currently typing this knowing that if I stopped and just sat here I would fall asleep. Let's face it, I fall asleep in the morning playing cars. I heard twice yesterday morning aroung 9:30 am, "Mommy, No NAP!". I tried to pull it together but my eyes would not open. I then realize I fell asleep with a toy car in my hand.... The mommy guilt set in pretty quickly after that.
So why is this time so different??
I have done this before.
I have brought home a newborn with a toddler in the house.
I CAN do it again. I wanted to do it again.
BUT I AM TIRED!!!!
6 more weeks.... This isn't my mantra it's me telling this baby to stay in there as long as possible because if I am honest with myself I am a little nervous. Conner and noah were 15 months apart. I brought Noah home after a csection to a 15 month old who was walking. I wasn't really nervous. The only thing I had a hard time with was that Conner and my mom got along so well. He loved his grandma and the emotional side of me thought he would hate me because he had to share me with Noah but he got grandma all to himself. I was wrong and Conner loved his baby brother and quickly stopped calling me grandma. When Evan was born I was in the middle of cheerleading competition season. It was an incredibly busy time and I knew I would throw myself back into it quickly after giving birth. Again I wasn't nervous. Conner was 5, Noah was 4, they were more independant. This is the first time I have brought home a baby to a child who is attached to me, who is stubborn to the core, who refuses to let anyone do anything for him except mommy. He is my sidekick and he is exhausting but I love him because he is also incredibly sweet and terribly cute. So you see my difficulty....
I am already exhausted and pushed to my limit with him, how much harder will it be with a new baby???
So here is what I know for sure.
I will get through this. Evan may not like to share me but he will quickly learn to love his baby brother. I talk about the new baby all of the time. He kisses my belly. He loves to show people my belly and that there is a baby in there. He likes to "wake baby" by pushing on my belly button. The older boys will help him learn how to be gentle even though I will say this a million times his brothers will help more. He will quickly get use to the fact that baby will not be going anywhere and our long days of just me and him will include a baby. l will survive and not only because I chose this but because I know I can. Change is hard for everyone we adjust.
I am exhausted and won't really be rested anytime soon. Mom's won't be able to get a full nights sleep for years down the road but I am ready for it. I am prepared and ready for the future. I am a STRONG, SUPER, AMAZING MOM! So are you!!! We CAN do this!
Sleep is for dads.
If it was easy it wouldn't be worth it.
IT IS SOOOOOOOO WORTH IT!!!!
6 more weeks!
So give yourself a pat on the back for making it this far without breaking. Treat yourself to a piece of chocolate cake or whatever you maybe craving, get a 4 oz glass of wine because it's ok at this point in pregnancy and put your feet up. Find some "you time" even if it is 10 minutes and remind yourslef that you are super woman for carrying a special human being in your body!
YOU ROCK MAMA!!!
Once your 10 minutes is up go back to being the amazing mom that you are but with a new outlook. Your mantra is now reminding yourself how awesome you truely are beause although we put so much mommy guilt on ourselves, our kids do NOT notices!! Evan wuickly forgot that I fell asleep while we played when I got back up and played some more. Conner and Noah quickly forgot that I wasn't able to go to park a few weeks prior because I was in a bit of pain when we stopped by the new playground just a few days ago. They are quick to forgive and forget unlike us adults.
Remember, YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!!
Now my awesome self will get up from this computer and go fix my crazy bunch of booger eaters dinner! I may also start watching march madness just to see if I can win the $1 billion dollar bracket! I blame this on my husband....
YOU ARE AWESOME!
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